I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
