My sheets look like a crime scene.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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