Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I want to make a zoo with you.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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