Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
