i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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