we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
