She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
