if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I smell like Dick and happiness
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