Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Your penis caused this!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
