Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
