I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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