My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
