She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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