I smell stomach acid.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
