This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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