omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
