Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
