I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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