On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
