Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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