I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
