I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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