I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
