The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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