Will you blow on my dice?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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