i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
