i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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