i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
