And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
