Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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