my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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