i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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