I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
