So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I wish there were birth control emojis
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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