the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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