dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize