and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
