worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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