woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
