i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
