I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
