If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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