I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
