I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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