there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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