You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
