nut hugger
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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