anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
