NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
