i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
