I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
