Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
