Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have tasted many bathrooms
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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