I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
its liver damage thursday
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
