I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
