About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
