I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
