I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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