Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
