I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
her vagine was all disorganized.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
