as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize