The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
