i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
