Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Houston, we have a squirter
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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