why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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